by Jeff Bramhall
I’ve always struggled with my weight. From a teenager that weighed nearly 350 pounds to a 30 year old bike racer at 180 pounds, my relationship to food has always been a struggle. Food is something that I’d turn to in times of both celebration and distress. Over time, I realized how valuable it is to have a nutrition coach. They’re someone who’s in my corner, helps me with guidelines and feedback, and helped me change my relationship to food. It’s gratifying to see how that relationship has changed and over time I’ve looked at how that evolution can help drive other changes in my life.
The most important tactic my coach has taught me is shifting how I respond to a compulsion to eat. In the past, when I feel like I desperately need to eat I would either reject it out of hand (which would usually result in a binge later that day) or give in to it completely. Now when I feel a need to eat, I approach it with curiosity. Am I hungry? Am I bored? Am I lonely? Then I can look at the emotion and examine if food will actually help me feel better. Food is great at alleviating hunger. It’s ok at alleviating boredom - but a walk might do it better. Food doesn’t do anything for my feelings of loneliness - connection with other people does a much better job at that.
It’s not revolutionary, it’s just taking a mindful approach to feelings, but its simplicity makes a huge difference. It’s simply a matter of pausing, creating a little bit of mental space, recognizing a feeling for what it is, and seeing if there might be another approach. It’s about creating a wider inventory for dealing with difficult feelings and reminding me that those feelings aren’t permanent.
Together, my coach and I have built a great playbook for when times are tough and for that I’m incredibly thankful. This thought hit me like a ton of bricks: we’ve got a plan for tough times but in good times I'm pretty much on autopilot. If I’m not conscious of what builds up good feelings, I’m leaving how good I can feel up to chance!
What if we took the same curious approach to the things that make us feel good? Can we build a playbook for the good times? You bet we can! I call it stacking the deck.
I’ll admit it right off: I’m not the first person to come up with this idea. Maybe you’ve heard of the “perfect day” experiment that a lot of business coaches use where you break down your ideal day down to the minute - from the moment you wake up to the moment your head hits the pillow. In practice, this isn’t too different but it’s more about curating your personal inventory that stacks your deck every day to serve your goals.
Before I dive into how I stack my deck, here’s the three steps that led me to think this is both so powerful and so overlooked.
When we feel bad, we tend to believe it’s eternal. That’s a survival mechanism that’s hardwired into our neurology. Our brain fixates completely on getting rid of the bad to the exclusion of everything else.
When we feel good, we stay in that moment. Subconsciously, we know that it won’t last forever, so it’s a positive adaptation to embrace that moment.
The reality is that all feelings are fleeting. If a mindfully cultivated set of tactics can help negative feelings go away faster, it stands to reason that a mindfully cultivated set of tactics can help create more good feelings.
Here are the ten tactics I use to stack the deck to be my best self. They’re born from a lot of reflection and align with the values that drive my life. Your stack is going to be different. My stack is going to evolve. But simply through the process of building this stack, you’ll be able to make sure your life is set up to feed your best self.
Sleep It’s #1 because it’s the most important. When I’m rested, I have so much more capacity to make the best decisions in my life. I don’t have a crazy sleep ritual, but I know that a hot shower, a few minutes of a book, and a dark room all help me sleep better.
Meditation I’ve practiced Transcendental Meditation for a couple of years. The feeling of calm and stillness that sits in my meditation practice is so helpful in finding my own center. I also have experimented with directed meditation around gratitude, which is something that I’ll do periodically when I feel like I need it. Nothing helps me break away from reactivity better than being thankful for the situation I’m in.
RPR Probably not much of a surprise, but I use it as a way to feel really rooted in my body. It’s not just about performance in the gym, it’s about living a better life.
Human Connection I feel my best when I’ve got meaningful time with people. I’d almost call it shared struggle. It’s not just sitting around with other people, it’s being engaged either with physical work (like with training partners) or mental work (like with business partners, or real conversation).
Solitary Time I need time on my own to recharge. Reflective and quiet time are huge keys for me and greatly enhance my abilities in the times where I’m connected.
Outdoor Time Fresh air and sunshine. Without those two, I wilt.
Active Learning In the classroom, in clinics, in the gym, with my clients; they’re all learning environments. Learning is an exercise in understanding patterns, making connections, and finding new approaches. This is a call to learn from people wholly unlike you as well! Find people you disagree with and set that disagreement aside and see the world through their eyes. At worst, this is a great exercise in empathy. At best, you’ll add richness to your own worldview.
Reading Nonfiction & fiction. Relevant to my professional work & totally unrelated to it. Joyce Carol Oates said it perfectly, “reading is the sole means by which we slip, involuntarily, often helplessly, into another’s skin, another’s voice, another’s soul.”
Exercise This probably is no surprise but doing hard physical things (and even not-that-hard physical things) leaves me feeling better, walking taller, and thinking clearer. There’s a reason most of the highest performing people I’ve ever met were athletes through their youth and are still active as adults.
Hard Work When I can truly cast myself into a task it’s a reminder of what I am capable of. It’s hard to be down on myself when I’m solving interesting problems.
How do you stack your deck?
Obviously, not every day is going to be great. Friction, pain, sadness, loss, and struggle are all parts of the human condition and are necessary to a rich existence. When we have a great inventory of tools, we can bring our best selves to those situations. If we don’t have a mindfully cultivated set of tools, we’re leaving our response to all situations up to chance.
Who’s in your corner helping you strive to be better? How do they help you stack your deck? If you’re a coach, how do you help your clients stack their decks?